So i went out Sat and had a like 3 tequila shots which make me feel realllyyy sick but not because i was drunk but because i hadnt eatten that day or the day before and i started to get hot and sweaty and sooo weak and that was while i was driving home at 3 in the morning... i thought i was gonna pass out at the wheel because my energy was at an all time low. ive felt like this before and i usally lie down on my bathroom floor because its cold and im so hot so i feel like it balances it out and i just rest for like 5-10 mins and i get over it. but its never happened when im drunk in heel out and about in a dress while im driving!!!! those little factor make it that much harder for me to feel better. so my only solution was to eat and i just dont eat, i usually binge. so i did and yes i did feel better after i ate all this shit but i felt sooo guilty because i was technically on my third day of the fast.... the point is i broke my fast on the 3rd day ;( and i had to eat out with my family on sunday after church. so today monday i am starting my fast again and im not drinking until im done with the hardest part of my fast... maybe on fri or sat i can have a shot or so. but yes im already 9 hrs into my fast... i always start my fasts at midnight, im kinda obsessive like that. another thing im not gonna do is weight myself until friday because its depressing to me seeing that im still suck in the one hundered and somethings. so until i feel that in the double digits, i wont weigh myself!

good luck to me keeping it this time.... sighh

so yesterday was supposed to be the first day of my fast and i was doing great until 9pm i saw pictures on facebook of my ex with all these girls at the beach during spring break and that lead to me going to the store and getting binge food and the thing is i wasnt even hungry... i just wanted to do something destructive like purge, so i did. i was soo mad at myself because i was supposed to fast but i weighed myself after i purged and believe it or not i lost 2 pounds!!! yayy so its like if i had kept my fast because i lose 2 lbs per day when i fast. so im gonna pretent that i kept my fast since i lost weight and call today day 2 of my fast ;D

i realllly hate putting my weight out there because i get really selfconcious but i will so i can have more motivation to make sure the numbers keep going down

weight before i binged: 112
weight after i purged: 110

GOAL WEIGHT: 92

So i just finished the first day of my fast a few hrs. ago and now technically im on my second day. i was trying to fast for the longest time but just couldnt do it, i kept b/p-ing. but this time its different. its the first day of summer and i want to start it out right. also i need to look/feel good about myself because its gonna be my birthday june 27th, im going to visit my aunt in cali with my mom that i havent seen a forever, also i need to get it toether because when college starts up again i might have clases with my ex non-boyfriend/"talking" guy, esp. since we have the same major!! well call him starbucks guy because thats where i met him since he works there. so long story short, we were talking and everything was perfect, seriously, it was too good to be true! and one day he disappears on me and stops answering my calls and that was that. i stoped calling him, going to starbuck (which really pissed me off because the one he works at is like 2 mins from my house), and even would avoid buildinngs we use to hang out before class started like to smoke a cig or see eachother. then to make things worse, i gained sooo much weight because of the whole thing. i was so sad and cried for months, MONTHS! (five months to be exact) i weighed the lowest ive ever weighed when i was with him (which was only one very happy month) but i weighed 88lbs. i was fitting into my 7th grade black pants; i was happy, a little weak, but still very happy. anyways point is im ready to see the "broken-hearted" weight i put on come off NOW!  <3